


What have I got without you?

by isleysister



Series: A Star as Bright [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), her name is charlie, sam unknowingly has a daughter from a past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 16:23:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16538057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isleysister/pseuds/isleysister
Summary: Steve writes to Sam.





	What have I got without you?

**Author's Note:**

> the samsteve tag was looking a little dry and i decided to spice it up with some sadness. Here's Steve writing a letter to Sam in a universe in which Sam has a daughter named Charlie from a past encounter, but Sam never found out. (i know its a lot but this idea wouldn't leave me alone)

_ Dear Sam,  _

_ It’s been 349 days since we last spoke.  _

_ The last thing you said to me was, “Come back to me, Rogers.”  _

_ The last thing I said to you was, “Copy that, Wilson. I expect the same.”  _

_ We didn't even hug or kiss. We just nodded at each other...Granted that’s what we always do on missions together but God...you and I both knew the stakes were much too high for that. Sam, you should’ve smacked me and asked for a better goodbye. That in itself would’ve been better than just leaving each other like it wasn’t going to be our last time.  _

_ And yes, I am furious that you didn’t warn me before. It’s not logical to feel that way, of course, but I still do. As if you could’ve known that everything was going to end the way it did…As if a warning would have made a difference. _

_ That reminds me of another thing I regret- We should’ve gotten married, Sam. I know that you wanted a “real” proposal that wasn’t “rushed” (I put a lot of effort into that twisty tie ring, but whatever). I know that you said we should wait till we could say “I do” in front of all of our family and friends. And I would’ve made sure you got the perfect wedding later, I swear Sam, but still...we should’ve gotten married right then and there in that spotty safe house in Latvia anyways.  _

_ It’s funny. We were borderline-homeless American fugitives constantly being shot at every other day and despite all that, Sam, we were okay because we were together. As of 8 months ago, our crimes have been “officially pardoned by the American government” but you’re gone and I am not okay. Not just because I miss you more than anything, but also because I’m so filled with anger all the time at how everyone treats you now. Before it was  “Falcon’s Gang Affiliated Past” and now it’s “Sam Wilson, A Fallen American Hero.” It’s bullshit like this that makes me feel like I’m insane, like I didn’t see the same thing that everyone else did all those years ago. Some part of me is glad you aren’t here to see the bald-faced lies, but another part knows that you deserved to live more than anything.  _

_ It shouldn’t take your death for people to see how amazing you were.  _

_ It shouldn’t take you dying alone for me to meet Charlie, the greatest kid in the whole goddamn world, yet she’s never going to meet her own father.  _

_ She has your eyes, Sam. She has your big brown eyes and seeing them both warms and breaks my heart because they are a reminder that I will never see yours again. _

_ The unfairness of it all almost tears me apart daily, makes me feel like there’s broken glass in my lungs and barbed wire around my heart. But I still keep going for a couple of reasons. Because people still need Captain America...because I know you would want me to...because Charlie and  Darlene invite me over every Thursday to listen to your favorite records while we make dinner and I have to be there to look into those brown eyes and tell Charlie about how wonderful her father was and how proud of her he would be.  _

_ Sometimes these things get to be too much, especially when my brain asks myself stupid questions like: Would you have laughed at that monument in Harlem they put up for you? Would you have wanted to tear it down?  _

_ Would you have brought Charlie to that music store on 5th avenue to buy her first record? What would you say if I told you she picked one of Aretha’s, because “she looked like an angel"? _

_ Would you have wanted Charlie to be the flower girl or the ring bearer?  _

_ I don’t know if this letter is too long or too short, but I have to stop before my tears blur all the ink on the paper and ruin it, so I’m just gonna mention one last thing: I found the twisty tie ring in my sock drawer the other day and it reminded me- we should’ve gotten married, Sam.  _

_ But honestly, we already were. _

__ Love forever, Steve. _ _

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i did cry writing this, how are you today?  
> (this could be a series if y'all want. just lmk)  
> Edit:  
> I know it’s been a thousand years but I am working on making this into a longer fic! Stay tuned and thank you to all who commented and left kudos!!


End file.
